


Cure Your Aching

by overlycompensatedapprentice



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Implied Child Abuse, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 17:44:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13575723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overlycompensatedapprentice/pseuds/overlycompensatedapprentice
Summary: P.T. Barnum is a better dad than Phillip's actual dad





	Cure Your Aching

Phillip found himself in the nearest bar once the gala was over, a glass of whiskey in front of him. His mind was spinning, and he wasn’t sure getting drunk would make it any better, but it was preferable to any other option at this point. His parents had seen them, seen him and Anne holding hands. The look of disgust on his father’s face was nothing new, but it still didn’t hurt any less. He grabbed the glass in front of him with shaking hands, gulping down a large sip. He was terrified at the idea of going home after this, of what they might do after what they had seen.

“Thought I might find you here,” a voice behind him drew him out of his own head. 

Phillip didn’t turn around. “Thought you’d be at the gala all night, taking compliments from the snobs,” his voice sounded weak, just like the rest of him. He hated himself for being such a coward, but he was still more scared than he wanted to admit. “I need to be alone for a little while.” 

“I saw you leave, and I knew something must be wrong, turning down all the free champagne,” PT Barnum took a seat next to him, ordering a glass of whiskey for himself. “And despite what you may think is best, I usually find that people in your position need some company.” 

The bartender set the glass in front of Phineas, and he took a small sip, as if he was trying whiskey for the first time, which Phillip knew was not true at all. The first time he’d met Phineas, Phillip had stopped counting after Phineas drank seven shots. “So, tell me what happened.” 

“Who said anything happened?” he asked, trying to sound casual. But he knew Phineas wasn’t an idiot, and would figure it out soon enough. He didn’t know where to begin with what was going through his head. 

“I know something happened,” Phineas said. “Because if nothing had happened, you would either still be at the gala, mingling with the snobs and Jenny Lind, unlikely, or at the show, throwing puppy eyes at Anne Wheeler, very likely. But you aren’t. You’re here, alone, drowning your sorrows in alcohol and it doesn’t look like you’re leaving anytime soon.” 

“I do not throw puppy eyes at Anne Wheeler,” Phillip snapped, but it was a half-hearted protest. His voice shook a little when he said her name, and he tried not to think too hard about how he had disappointed her as well. That’s all he was to everyone, a disappointment. 

“Yes you do,” Phineas chuckled. “Trouble in paradise, then?” He had meant it as a tease, but when he saw the expression on Phillip’s face, he knew that something else had happened, something bigger than a simple argument with Anne or a desire to hide from the snobs. “Phillip,” he said. “Something’s wrong. You look like you’re going to be sick. Are you alright?” 

Phillip hadn’t planned on telling him at all. He would just have drowned his sorrows and fears in alcohol for the night, and then pretended like nothing was wrong the next morning. But no one had ever actually cared enough to be concerned about him before, and so he gave in just a little. “My parents were at the gala tonight.” 

Phineas winced. The bringing-up-the-fact-that-the-parents-were-there thing was never a good sign. He didn’t know Phillip’s parents very well, Phillip never talked about them… Phillip had never talked about his parents. Not once in the several weeks Phineas had known him. Even Charity, who was no fan of her parents either, had casually brought them up in conversation from time to time. Phillip had never even mentioned their names when he had talked about his past in playwriting. “Phillip.” That was all he needed to say. The concern in his face told Phillip that Phineas had made a guess. 

“I don’t know what they want from me,” Phillip admitted, his voice low and frustrated. No matter what he did, he never seemed to live up to their expectations. They had preferred his plays to his partnership with Phineas, but even then, snide comments had been thrown his way almost every day. “Why can’t they just leave me alone?”

“Because they want to control you, Phillip,” Phineas ran a hand over the smooth wood of the bar. “They’re not satisfied with their lives, so they take it out on you. It happened to me too. What did they say to you?” 

“They didn’t have to say anything.” Just a look from them was enough to tell Phillip what they expected, and years of habit had made him listen to them all at once. He hated himself for that, for giving into what they wanted so easily, even when he knew it was wrong. But what choice did he have? As of now, he didn’t have anywhere else to go, but the thought of what his parents might do when he got home sickened him. He didn’t have a choice. That was the worst part, he had to do what his parents said out of pure necessity. 

Phineas could see that Phillip was growing more and more panicked by the second, he looked like a cornered wild animal with nowhere to run, so Phineas decided to back off for the moment. He didn’t want to end up pushing Phillip away, not when it was so important that he have a little support. “Why don’t you come home with me for a bit?” he asked. “I know Charity wouldn’t mind, and the girls will love having you around.” 

Instantly, he saw Phillip relax, just a little bit, as if going to Phineas’s house was just the thing he needed to open up and calm down. “I’d like that,” he said, just a hint of a smile crossing his face. “As long as you’re sure you don’t mind.” 

“If I minded, I wouldn’t have invited you,” Phineas said good naturedly, throwing money on the bar for their drinks. He put an arm around Phillip and drew him to the door. “Let’s go, it isn’t too far from here.” 

The walk back was a quiet one, Phillip too lost in his own thoughts to say much. He wondered what Anne was doing. Was she still upset? She had every right to be, he knew that. But he really only wanted to make her happy, keep her safe, and he wished that wasn’t too much to ask. With his parents around, however, keeping her safe was more important, even if she was angry with him. No telling what his parents might have done to either of them if Phillip had defied them. It was better this way, he tried telling himself, but he still was disgusted by his actions. 

Finally, they reached the Barnums’ huge house. Candles still glowed cheerfully in the windows, signifying that Charity, Helen and Caroline were still awake. Phillip could hear laughter coming from inside, and it cheered him up a little bit. But he hesitated at the doorstep. “Are you sure it’s not too much trouble?” he asked Phineas again. “I could go back.”

“Go back where? To the bar?” Phineas replied. “For what must be the fifth time, Phillip, no, it isn’t too much trouble, and I can’t have my apprentice drinking himself to death. Now come on, the girls will be thrilled.” With that, he pulled Phillip into the house. “Girls, look who I brought with me.”

Caroline and Helen came dashing down the stairs almost as soon as he called, Caroline reaching the bottom first. “Helen!” She cried in excitement. “Daddy brought Phillip!” 

“Phillip!” Helen appeared right behind her sister. “Phillip’s here! Hooray!” The two girls leapt into Phillip’s arms just as Charity entered the room, some kind of contraption in her arms. 

He wrapped his arms around both the girls, their excitement bringing a smile to his face despite his otherwise terrible mood. “Hello girls,” he said, as brightly as possible. He didn’t want them to think that anything was wrong. He managed a smile for Charity as well. “What’s that you’re carrying?” 

“A wish catcher!” Caroline exclaimed. “Daddy made it!” 

“A wish catcher, huh,” Phillip said. He shot an incredulous look in Phineas’ direction. Where did the man even come up with such names? Not wanting to burst the girls’ bubble, he asked, “How does it work?” 

“You put a candle in it, and spin it, and make a wish!” Helen said. “Then the wish catcher holds onto your wishes for you until they come true, even if you forget.” 

While Phillip was talking to the girls, Charity gave Phineas a confused look. 

Phillip almost wished that the contraption Phineas had set up actually worked the way the girls believed it did. He knew what he would wish for- to be free. 

“I found him in a bar by himself after the gala,” Phineas whispered to her. “He looked pretty shaken up, and I thought this might be good for him.”   
Charity simply nodded knowingly, and they went back to rejoin them. 

“You should try it, Phillip!” Helen said. “We can all do it.” 

Phillip nodded, willing to go along with whatever Helen wanted for the moment. A childish part of him even hoped that the small lantern would actually keep his wishes safe. Safe from his parents, and from the world. The absolutely crazy part of him hoped they would come true. 

Phineas took the contraption from Charity’s hands. “Gather around,” he said.

“Now this,” he said with a wink at Charity and Phillip. “Is from the journal of Leonardo Da Vinci himself. It came across my desk at my job before the circus, and I managed to memorize the blueprints enough to reconstruct them.” Phillip shook his head, how did the man manage to concoct this stuff? His own father had never bothered to entertain him with stories like this.

“Caroline, how about you go first? Show Phillip how it’s done.”

Caroline first went around the room, and blew out all the candles, save for the one in the lamp. Then, Phineas spun the contraption around, and the walls were suddenly covered in stars. Caroline closed her eyes, and then opened them a moment later, smiling brightly at everyone.

“What’d you wish for?” Phillip asked. 

“If I tell you, it won’t come true!” Caroline teased. 

Helen went next. “I wish for a magical rainbow unicorn!” She said excitedly. 

“Helennn,” Caroline complained. “Now it’ll never come true.” 

“It might!” Helen protested. 

“You go next, Chairy,” Phineas said with a smile. 

Charity knelt next to the wish catcher and closed her eyes. “I wish,” she said. “That we all forget our troubles, even if it’s just for a little while.”

The wish warmed Phillip’s heart, but he didn’t think it would ever come true. How was he supposed to forget his troubles when they were staring him in the face every time he set foot inside his own house? The frown that he had worked so hard to keep away in the presence of the girls made its way back on to his face. 

“I’ll go now,” Phineas said, shooting Charity a worried look. The frown had not gone unnoticed it seemed, and Phillip forced a smile again. He really was feeling a little better, but he couldn’t seem to forget his parents’ eyes boring into him. 

“I wish,” Phineas whispered. “That this little family will remember something, even when things get tough, that they’ll know they always have each other.” 

Phillip wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, but he thought that he saw Phineas looking at him while he said his wish out loud. He was wishing for happiness for his family, something Phillip wasn’t a part of. He had to be imagining. Carlyles didn’t have families, just like they didn’t have happiness or freedom. 

“Your turn Phillip,” urged Caroline, as Phineas continued to spin the lamp.

Phillip closed his eyes and wished the way Caroline had. He wished for all the things he had been thinking of that night- freedom, happiness, safety- for himself, and for Anne. 

“What’d you wish for, Phillip,” Helen asked gleefully. 

“If I tell you,” Phillip said softly. “It won’t come true.” 

They sat in silence for a little while after that. Finally, Charity broke the silence by telling the girls it was time to go to bed. They skipped out of the room, laughing and talking about rainbow unicorns. 

“I should go,” Phillip said, dreading even the thought of going home. 

“No, you shouldn’t.” Phineas grabbed Phillip’s arm. “Stay for a few minutes, have a drink. There’s no rush.” 

“It’s late, and you’ve been out all day, and you should have some time alone with Charity-” the excuses stumbled out of Phillip’s mouth as fast as he could think of them. He wanted to stay, but at the same time, he didn’t want to intrude on a family that he didn’t belong to. And if he stayed, he might spill his feelings, his secrets, his wish. It was better if he went. “My parents will worry,” he added quickly. 

“Exactly,” Charity said, coming to stand beside Phineas. “It’s late, and you shouldn’t be walking the roads alone at this hour. Stay. Stay the night, even. We have plenty of bedrooms that I, for one, don’t know what to do with, and I’m sure your parents would rather see you safe tomorrow morning, then have you hurt on the back streets walking home tonight.” 

Phillip had to conceal a humorless laugh. He wasn’t so sure about that. What was more likely was that they would be furious with him no matter what he did. He turned that thought around in his head for a few moments, then nodded. He knew they wouldn’t let him go without a fight, and he didn’t have the strength in him to fight anymore. 

Phineas didn’t want to give him another drink, the boy drank far more than what was healthy as it was. But he took one look at that pale, grim face and handed him a full glass. “Sit down, and try to relax.”

Phillip did not try to argue, taking a seat and slowly sipping from his glass. He didn't say anything, hoping that if he was quiet enough they would simply leave him alone. 

His wish wasn’t granted. After a few minutes Phineas tried to make conversation. They talked about small things, the weather, the circus, Caroline’s ballet lessons. All the while, Phillip knowing what Phineas wanted to ask, and praying he just left it alone. He didn’t. 

“So, Jenny was lovely tonight,” Phineas said cautiously. “Lord, she can sing.” 

“Indeed,” Phillip agreed. “She was quite popular with the crowd. Not a bad review as far as I can see.” 

“Your absence didn’t go unnoticed at the circus show tonight,” Phineas said, trying to sound casual. “Lettie and the others missed you.” 

Phillip shrugged. “It isn’t as though as I actually do anything for the show. Missing just one doesn’t matter, I’m sure they did just fine without me.” 

“Besides,” he muttered under his breath. “Not all of them missed me.” 

As soon as the words slipped out, he realized his mistake. Damn. Now he’d really opened up a conversation he did not want to be having. Especially with Phineas, but the concern in the man’s eyes had seemingly opened up his mouth. He had never really had the chance to talk to someone like this before. 

“What happened with you and Anne?” Phineas asked. He tried to make sure he didn’t sound judgemental or accusatory, giving Phillip the chance to explain himself, because he could tell the young man needed someone to hear him out, even if Phillip didn’t think so himself. 

Phillip hesitated. He knew that Phineas’s intentions were good, but he didn’t even know how to start. “At the gala…” he began. “I stood with the performers instead of going to the box. I didn’t feel like dealing with the stares and whispers. When Jenny started singing… I was… I don’t know… inspired? Anne was next to me and I took her hand. Tested the limits a little bit. I was thrilled when she took it back. But…” 

“Your parents were there?” Phineas guessed. His heart broke for the two young people trying so hard to be in love without being judged by everyone around them, the way he and Charity still had to. He wanted to go have a few strong words with Phillip’s parents about supporting their son the right way. But he didn’t show his frustration, waiting for Phillip to continue, if he wanted to.

“All they had to do was glare at me,” Phillip muttered, putting his head in his hands. “And it was like I was five years old again. I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life. All the things they said came rushing back. I knew what they expected me to do, and I listened. I let her go, and I hurt her. And I’ll have to go and face them eventually… Who knows what they’ll do.” 

Phineas couldn’t stop his hand from curling into a fist. All this was sounding very familiar. Charity had seemingly suffered something similar, based on the little snippets of her life that Phineas had gotten. Did the rich snobs of New York have a monopoly on not-even-borderline abusive parenting? He mused. No child should have to be afraid of their parents. 

“They...you…” Phineas struggled for words for a few moments. “Phillip, no matter what they say or do, you always have a room waiting for you in our house, alright?”

“Phin, I can’t ask you to do that for me…” Phillip began, but Phineas cut him off. 

“You didn’t, Phillip. And I know you won’t believe me, but you did what you had to. If you had defied them, no telling what they might have done, even at Jenny’s gala. I know this hurts to hear, but you did do the right thing.” 

Phineas was right, it did hurt to hear, even if he knew it was true. He wished it wasn’t, wished that he could take Anne with him wherever he went without the stares following them around. Without the threat of his parents hanging over his head. One day, he promised himself, one day he would do all that, and no one would be able to tell him otherwise. 

Suddenly, he didn’t feel so much like drinking his sorrows away. He just wanted sleep. Maybe things would be easier to deal with in the morning. He knew he was only delaying the inevitable, but staying up all night would not help him either. “I think I should just go and sleep,” he said, beginning to get up.

Phineas nodded. “Charity made up a room for you, it’s upstairs. I’ll show you where it is.” 

Phillip followed Phineas up the stairs. Once they were inside, he quietly said, “Thank you.” It wasn’t just for the room, but for everything- listening to him, offering him a place to stay, helping him calm down, for actually caring about him. 

“You don’t have to thank me.” Phineas meant what he said, something as small as this had been nothing on his part. This had been second nature to him as a father, he didn’t even have to think about it. All he had wanted to do was make sure the kid was alright. “Couldn’t have my apprentice disappearing on me.” 

Phillip actually managed a laugh at that, shaking his head in amusement. “Goodnight Phineas.”

“Goodnight, Phillip,” Phineas replied. He started to leave but turned. “Oh, one more thing.” He gave Phillip a smile. “Anne’s always loved the theatre.” 

“I’m not sure she’d come if I asked, not after today,” Phillip admitted. He would not have usually shared his worry, but this was different from usual. Usually, no one would have bothered to listen. Phillip wondered if this was what having a father who truly cared about him would be like. 

“I’ll let her know I’ve left a ticket for her to go see one of the upcoming shows next week. All you have to do is meet her there on time.” Phineas gave Phillip a joking wink. “Does that work for you?”

“Absolutely!” Phillip immediately brightened. “Thank you,” he said again. “For everything.” 

“Stop saying that,” Phineas laughed. “Goodnight, Phillip. For real this time.” 

He strode to the door, but turned once more. “And I meant what I said in my wish.”

He left without saying anything else, and Phillip fell asleep feeling better than he had in a very long time.


End file.
